Aurum Metallicum - A first in the series of remedy stories
She’s lying on the floor staring at the ceiling in depths of despair. Thoughts of what she should be doing circle through her head, feeling like a failure because she just doesn’t have the mental strength to do them. A failure. She’s not only failed herself, she’s failed her family, her loved ones, her community. Everything she does goes unnoticed, leaving her feeling unworthy, insignificant and completely hopeless. “Why keep going when there’s no point?” Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling, she thinks to herself, “What’s the point? Why am I here? Would anyone even care if I’m gone?”
Thoughts of her favourite spot overlooking the sea and jumping off become the focus of the whirlwind that’s become her brain. She closes her eyes and the feeling of running and flying off the cliff into darkness is the only thing that brings her comfort. It stands around 100 metres above sea, so she’s sure the speed of the fall will bring instant death before her body is crushed amongst the rocks. She imagines herself opening her arms, smiling as that beautiful sea approaches quickly and brings an end to all this guilt and remorse.
“Would anyone even care if I’m gone?” She repeats to herself over and over. She runs through who would care the most. Her parents, her favourite Aunt and Uncle. “They’re older and don’t have much longer to live with the pain,” the tormented side of her says. “They’re older and it would be terrible for them to live their last days with a big hole in their heart,” the side of hope retorts. Thoughts of her partner, other family members and friends run through her head and she thinks to herself, “They’ll be upset for a while. They don’t even care. I mean who’s with me now? Who can I call now that would even try to help? They’ll just tell me I’m a good person, don’t be silly. I don’t feel like one, I don’t want to hear that. I just want someone to understand.”
It didn’t used to be like this. She was always there for friends and family, she loved feeling like part of a community. She felt like life was meaningful, like she belonged. She had a successful career helping people and was known for her good work ethic and going the extra mile to help others. Then she became burnt out and took some time for herself. It was just supposed to be a short break, but then time slipped and she didn’t want to go back to that. Thoughts of feeling like she let people down turned into guilt and slowly started chipping away at her conscience. “You’re a failure. You were good at what you did and now you’re being selfish. What happened to you?” She became angry at herself and then the anger started to turn to those closest to her.
Her anger and depression didn’t sit well with the types of relationships she was having. She was finding people, who were controlling, who confirmed her doubts about being a good person. She ended these relationships when she had a window of strength, “You can’t even get relationships right anymore,” she criticised. One grief after another for years and then she just gave up and let the loneliness wrap around her like a wet scratchy blanket bringing her more pain.
“Please give me something to stop feeling this way. I didn’t used to feel like this. I know life is good, I know I have a good life, I know people care. I just want to feel like me again,” she sobs to her Homeopath. He prescribes her Aurum Metallicum for an acute remedy to help with the thoughts. “You should feel better after a few doses, if you feel you still need it after a few doses, take it for three days.” After she leaves the session, she immediately takes the remedy, lies on the floor staring at the ceiling in hopelessness until her eyelids droop so heavy that she goes into a deep slumber. She awakes a couple of hours later. As she blinks her heavy eyelids open, she takes stock of how she feels. It feels like a weight of sadness has been placed on her. She cries again and then something different happens in her mind. “It’s going to be ok. We’re going to make some changes so circumstances are different and it will be ok.” She starts asking herself, “What is wrong and how can I make it better?” She starts an action plan. She realises that none of it includes jumping off her favourite spot. A huge wave of relief starts to roll over her.
She takes another dose before bed and wakes up with more hope. After the third dose, the spring has returned to her step and she completes daily activities she had been neglecting. She calls her partner who immediately notices the life back in her voice. The optimism, hope and excitement for the future have returned. He breathes a sigh of relief and says, “It’s nice to hear you back to your usual self.” She smiles brightly, “I know. I’ve missed her so much!”
Aurum Metallicum has produced these results over and over with various patients. It doesn’t always address the underlying issue, but it brings enough strength to keep going while a deeper acting remedy does its work to address the root cause.